silence

Well... the silence probably says more than words would as far as how my plan to find the positive has gone. Never imagined it would be the struggle it has been. While I HAVE been able to find positive, I have struggled to really see it and in turn grab onto it. Life has been a struggle. I have spent the better part of the last 2 years feeling like I have been losing my mind. Waking each day feeling like you are losing your sanity bit by bit does a number on your heart and mind. It has done much to tear me apart as a parent, as an employee and as a general human being. Yuck. Plain and simple... yuck. The thing is... it is such a lie. A lie I have believed hook, line and sinker for more years than I care to acknowledge. Retraining my brain and heart is now a process. One that takes more focus and energy than at times I feel I have. (I must say that 5 years of sleep deprivation did NOTHING to help) I am taking each day as it comes, trying hard to do what I can to change things where possible and believe truth as I am reminded of it. He is so very patient to love and remind me. He is also gracious in His corrections. We are going to get there... where is there? I have no idea, but we are on a journey and I know He is not going to leave me lost in the woods somewhere. Here is where I get to make a choice that is so counter to what I am accustomed to... I get to trust. I suck at trusting. It is a moment by moment conscious choice. I also get to be thankful for each day I have been given.

Trust
HOPE
Choosing
Finding
Hanging on